Confusing Double-Cross Hour with Tatiana Maslany: Predictions for Season Four

So, everything I’ve ever said about Orphan Black is still true – the best part of the show is watching Tatiana Maslany play all of the characters; the worst part is trying to understand why the fuck anybody does the things they do. Rather than trying to figure out what happened in season three, so I can try to review it, here’s a list of things that I fully expect from next season instead.

On Season Four of Orphan Black

  1. It turns out that Felix is actually the key to the new conspiracy because his DNA possesses some special kind of protein marker that has hitherto gone unmentioned, and that’s why Mrs. S adopted him in the first place. Nothing is random.
  2. Art is a double agent working for a fourth conspiracy that has hitherto gone unmentioned. Revealing this conspiracy means that everything goes deeper than anyone ever imagined and all of the powerful players were really getting played all along (the fourth conspiracy is revealed in the latter half of the season).
  3. Alison and her family have to go undercover on some kind of fact-finding mission divorced from the central story, where they pretend to be on vacation and bicker with each other about their cover story. Hilarity ensues.
  4. The religious nuts who were controlling Helena in the first season come back, and it turns out they never left, and they’ve been steering things from the sidelines all along, and she’s actually a sleeper agent for them.
  5. There’s a new clone who has a different accent from everybody else and a cool, punk hairdo. She’s been conducting her own investigation into the third conspiracy and she doesn’t want everybody else to get involved, because she’s a loner and she works on her own. Sarah gets involved anyway and messes up the whole thing, and they butt heads over it, but then they start working together and the new clone learns the value of Family and becomes part of the clone club. They need each other more than ever now that the fourth conspiracy is revealed.
  6. It turns out everyone who’s dead is not actually dead. Dying was their cover to join another conspiracy.
  7. Especially, it turns out that Mrs. S’s dead husband is not dead. He has been secretly waging his own war against the third or fourth conspiracy. He shows up at her door all of a sudden and says, “We need to talk.” And she says, “Jesus, Mary and Joseph” and then whatever his name is. I forget.
  8. One of the clones seduces some dude working for the third conspiracy whilst pretending to be a different clone, and this results in absolutely nothing useful at all.
  9. Everyone in the main conspiracy agrees that they have to band together with the Castor conspiracy to fight the third conspiracy, but then the Castor conspiracy betrays them (except for one guy who was loyal and true all along), and one of their own people is helping Castor from the inside. Delphine is still alive and still keeping secrets, so everyone thinks it’s her, but it turns out to be the new clone who does people’s nails or something.
  10. Sarah decides that it’s time to take matters into her own hands and bring the fight to whoever the fuck they’re fighting with now.
  11. Rachel becomes sympathetic and a new enemy is introduced to take her place. Possibly Michelle Forbes, if she agrees to come back.
  12. It turns out Mrs. S’s mother was involved in the fourth conspiracy, but she honestly didn’t know. Mrs. S kills her anyway to prove that she’s hard core.

Come back this time next year to see if I was able to understand whether or not these predictions were right.

Image: Orphan Black; Space | July 3, 2015